LIFE

They say when life gives you lemons........well you know how it goes. I say when life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand the lemonade come to you already made. I have found out a lot about myself over the past few months. I have learned in the face of tragedy, a family that has never been close will join forces and be the family it should have been so many times before. I have learned with a lot of determination you can achieve your goals and I have also learned that life truly sucks with out my Grandma. But I can not go on and on about her not being here. I know that life is indeed complicated and with out complications you have no character and with out character.....you have NOTHING. I promised myself when she got sick I would absolutely do all I have to do to achieve all I should have done so many times before. I can't wait for to finish a book or even have one published.....Just wait. I will achieve all I have in me to achieve. I will BE THAT WOMAN.

GRIEVING

It's funny. When someone hears you have experienced a loss in your family everyone says the same thing, "I'm sorry for your loss" and that doesn't really do much for you. Sometimes it just makes you sad all over again. I am very curious as to how long the sorrow lasts. Losing my Grandma has been very taxing on me emotionally. I really can't get past how much I miss her not being here to see alot of what is happening first hand. I know that where she is now is so much better than where she was. She has no pain, no agony and no problems. I am glad that her suffering has ended, but I just can't seem to shake the saddness and sorrow I feel. I know there are other people in my family that are just as affected by this huge loss we have experienced. My grandma was a neat lady. She had the best jokes and brightest smile. She knew how to make you feel special in just one word....."Hello". She made the best treats and I enjoyed every minute I was able to spend with her. I know she is with me and my family everyday and periodically I sense her very near. I am sure that sounds weird, but I do. I know that everyone dies at some point. It's a given that the one thing in life you are guaranteed is death. Fame, Fortune, Love, Happiness and everything else is just a bonus. My grandma and I use to do so much together when I was little. We went to the local pool, movies, grocery shopping and I use to give her pedicures. I miss our Wednesday and sometimes Thursday appts. I don't miss all the lab work or bad news though. Anyone who knew my grandma always said the same thing....."Your Grandma is so sweet" and she was. She was a sweet lil lady who had no problem telling you how it was when needed. She was my only Grandparent and only Great-Grandparent my girls had. She has been gone since Dec. 10th and everyday I'm grateful she was able to see my baby Emalee before she passed. Emalee smiles and laughs alot when looking toward the ceiling and walls. I know that she is smiling at her Great-Grandmother who is there watching over her. I only wish my brother was as lucky as I was. His daughter was born a couple of weeks after she passed. But I know she is watching over lil Klaira as well.



Our whole family was there with her when she passed and we as a whole have experienced a HUGE LOSS. I just wish I knew when I will stop feeling sad and not cry when I think about what I don't have anymore....my Grandma.